I look for ways to connect with God when I can, and the best way I know how is through creation. He made me this way, to care about it so much it would affect me. Problem is, I don’t understand what I am feeling.
I found a song I love: Mree, In Your Eyes. This song is a beautiful experience. The video shows various nature scenes. A lot of them are gray and dark and dismal, and yet there is a connection to it. Then, this scene in the above shot comes up, the sun is chasing across the landscape, and when I saw this, tears stung my eyes. The same thing happened to me when I was at the creek recently, and saw sunlight pour through the trees.
In the video also, the sun shone, and something came to my mind as if from God: “The sun is always there isn’t it? So, am I.” The sun reminds me God does not leave. Creation is his chance to show himself and reveal who he is through it. I just can’t grasp it entirely, so I cry instead, or stand helpless at it’s sight. Something takes place that is bigger than me.
Same thing happened to me years ago in my twenties. I didn’t know God then. I had tried moving around various places, and was depressed. I always love the beach, so one day I went on a random trip to Florida.
I was at Pompano and it was raining. I went to the beach directly afterwards and the sky was a dark blue except for one place in the middle where I was standing. My friend and I watched dumbfounded as the sky opened up and made the water turn emerald green. The sun was nowhere else except on us. It was one of those moments you remember your whole life because it is so strange and beautiful. The sky closed up and it turned dark again, but only after it got my attention.
As I left a few days later, I stood on the beach crying. I had always felt a strange attraction to the beach for deep emotional reasons and could never figure out why. Now, I know why, God is there, He owns it like everything else. Perhaps my crying was me feeling lonely and desolate and not understanding that I was supposed to know God.
I still feel lonely at times and weird, but I do feel better when I pray and give it all to Him. I will keep longing to understand this, I think there is a lot to see here.
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