I stepped off my front porch in the dark last night. I had no flashlight, and used my pathetic phone light. I said: “This is insane!”. No longer than the words came out of my mouth, I instantly noticed the half crescent moon directly across, glowing. As I looked up fast, I saw a bed of stars, the big dipper among others. I cried a little thankful, like a scene out of a movie. I had to walk to my Sister’s to have her take me to the drug store and was worried I had no light. I hate darkness, and I live in the woods so it is very scary at night. The fear entirely left me as I smiled and cried. I gave a thank you to God, and walked down, but could not stop looking at the sky. I looked at my favorite pine tree in the dark and realized fear was unnecessary.
I have said in previous posts that my Christian life is a mess. I feel guilty and weird every day. I always feel like walking with God is tortorous. I see people act as if being a Christ follower is wonderful, and I feel like punching them in the face because for someone who has hardly had love in her entire life, how would I recognize it from God? I can read the famous verses and feel numb.
Sadly, God has to talk to me through nature a lot. I try to look for him in the tiniest of places until I make it to a point in life where I can feel what others feel, or be more joyful. He knows nature gets to me, so He uses that, and I am glad.
Sometimes it is me reading a verse, or having it pop up somewhere, and seeing it again a few days later in a sermon, tying to something else. Sometimes it is gifts or mini blessings I receive. I do know one thing-I am always looking and trying to make an effort even if I am messed up. At least I try. I have no idea what God will show me, and doubt He will show me half the time.
I never know what to expect but I stay on the lookout.
Speaking of nature-the other day I went in the yard and tried hard to find a patch of grass that was not dead because of Winter, and I found two. One underneath a chair, and another next to a large potted plant holder. In between the sidewalk cement blocks, there is new grass growing up. Winter can’t get the best of me if I don’t let it. Below are photos. To you, it might mean nothing, but to me it is life. Scraping bits in every day that matter.
So that night, a bed of stars waited for me, and oh I almost forgot! A few days ago, I found this livestream online a meteor shower. I watched and barely saw one, so I came back. I had just been praying, and I felt God nudge me to go back immediately to that livestream. Sure enough, instantly a shooting star fell right when I opened it back up. It is moments like that where I can feel God talk to me and I will take whatever I can get.
So that is my advice to you-look for the little things, they matter even more than the big things! Trust me, you will be shocked at how little things can make all the difference.
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