I wrote a few posts in recent weeks about how I was seeking hope from God, a complete turnaround. That I had questions on whether or not he accepted me for who I am, etc.
Last week, I was in bed one night, and got really upset because I felt physically messed up for the twelve millionth time, and was at my wits end. I prayed worn down and asked God straight up if there was any hope left? That I needed to know it soon.
I also have prayed in recent weeks to have a complete turnaround in my faith so I would feel better.
Each day, I wake up and see first hand with my awareness pushing me, how messed up I am. I grudgingly read my bible, terrified God only has bad things to say, because those stick out in the Bible cruelly, while the good thing fall on deaf ears, and hit me numb and dead. This has been going on for years.
I have always felt like being a follower of God was a miserable thing. You give up everything, you suffer a lot, you wait for instruction, you can’t enjoy life, and anything you care about will be stripped from you.
Well, a few days ago I felt compelled to do a search online. I have no idea what I typed in, but it brought me to a website I had never seen before, which is odd because I know I have typed in similiar searches, and never ever came up with this guy. I thought I had seen it all. His name is Mark DeJesus(pronounced: Mark Dasuss), and he does tons of videos, and has for years. He was a Pastor, and felt numb, dead inside, and felt nothing. He prayed to get out of it also, and said God showed him in the word things he had never seen before, a new understanding, refreshment, and revitalization. He let go of things he believed that were negative, and trusted God, and now he has this ministry: Turning Hearts. God worked with him to start it and Transformed You videos. He does courses as well.
Basically when he was talking in his videos, I watched about fifteen of them so far…it is like God was talking directly to me. He said things that came up in my own mind, that had never been discussed by others. It was shocking! God seemed like He was answering my questions and prayers through this man.
I am very weary of new teachers because last year I fell for some real horrible ones that were blasphemous and was angry with myself about it, for being so dumb, but that is one of the things Mark talks about! He says that we self loathe because we think that is what God wants us to feel. We think we are to hate ourselves, be miserable, and do a “performance based christianity”, and it is true, I do think that!
His videos were eye opening, and I started already praying to God to help me to give my pain to him. Mark teaches to surrender all the pain to God, but also work on yourself, how you talk to yourself. He implies that healing can’t come if you are blocking it on every end. That it is an entire package thing of physical health, mental, and spiritual. He does not imply to become New Age thankfully, or I would leave in two seconds. He just constantly points out that God made you for a reason how you are, and wants you to be yourself, because if you are at peace with that, and stop berating yourself, and trying so hard, you can get to a place of healing from God and be in a relationship with him the way you want to. I have always thought God just wants things from me, wants to take everything and nothing else, one of the most powerful things he said was Jesus said in the Bible: “I stand at the door and knock”. And Mark DeJesus said in an example: “So, your coming in for what? To judge me, ruin me?”. “No, just to have dinner with you”. He was giving an example how we think about God that he only wants to use us and it is tough luck what we think about it.
But the point is, our relationship with God has to be treated the same way at first with anyone in our life. We have to build trust,, and understand him properly. Satan and the demons have upset and lied to Christians so they will have a horrible relationship with God and have no peace. It really is about the relationship, but it is in ways we have never heard before, but completely biblical we just ignored it. No guilt, or condemnation, and we can get to a point where we can receive God’s love, which takes time since most of us are so messed up, we just can’t get there. That is me.
So, I am embarking now on a journey, and hope to be the guinea pig, so that I can have information to relay on this blog. That is what I wanted to do for years. I can’t have a successful blog until I can tell people things. I always wanted to talk about brokenness, and I have here openly. Now, I can learn and see where it takes me, and instead of waiting to write which could take forever, I can write as I go about my journey.
Here are some videos of his that give you an idea ..
So this will take some time with me, but I write often, so I will be giving updates as to what I learn. Mark DeJesus says it is always about the journey than the destination, so I have to accept where I am now, and be okay with it.
I am excited for the first time in life, but scared to an extent, and want to know how this turns out!