Off and on for five years now, I have been reading the blog: Beauty Beyond Bones. It is a blog of a Christian twenty something year old that is vibrant and full of life after letting God in when she suffered from anorexia. Carolyn is a huge role model to many. 13 years ago, she was Anorexic, and was 78 pounds, seconds away from dying. Her Parents had to stage an intervention and she went to Arizona for help. She said she had to sleep by the nurses on a cot, because her heart was in danger of failing any minute. She had kept her lies for a long time, and wanted control. On the third day there, something from deep inside, scarily said: “I lied!”. She then told the complete truth entirely to her Counselor. At Chapel that night, they were singing a hymn about the cross. Something supernatural happened as she understood the lyrics of what Christ did for her personally, that he died for her sins. She said she let the love of God in, and lives from that every day, and that she can’t do it without him.
Watching her video was so touching to me. I had never heard her speak before so that was interesting. It is an hour long, so it takes patience to hear this, but entirely worth it.
When they had the intervention, she said the Youth Pastor from her Church(She is Catholic), looked right at her dead in the eyes, and said: “Look at what you are doing to your Father”. She said she turned around and saw him slumped over, miserable and that was the breaking point for her to go get help. For me, tears flooded my eyes hearing this. For some reasons, I thought of our Father, the one and only Father, and I wondered seriously if He was ever upset about how evil wins often against me, how I struggle to receive his love, how life is so very hard for me. Maybe He does He get upset.
I always saw God as this cold, cruel figure, wanting His own way all the time, furious at his own creation for being sinful even with the cross.
Halfway through her video, she talked more about God’s love and I really felt through her speaking, God was confirming to me the same thing I am studying and growing in these past few weeks, letting in his love. It is very hard because there is work inside to do. I don’t know what kind of moment I have to have to receive, but each day, I get up determined now to let it in, but I am noticing much yet.
I know this woman was greatly impressed me and I spent a large amount of time crying while watching this video.
I highly recommend beautybeyondbones.com. You don’t have to have an eating disorder to read. She talks about her everyday life.
I know because of her, years ago, I became fascinated with eating disorders and looked into it more. I have never had that issue, and I feel so bad for these women because this is the biggest case of spiritual warfare I have ever see, that is so blatantly obvious. The Anorexic really is being held in bondage by evil. That is why many die, and turn skeletal. They really think they have to keep controlling their weight, even to the point of death.
I have been interested in Karen Carpenter for years ago. I read a great biography on her, and loved her voice. What is sad, is that she got help right before she died, and tried to get into it, but it was found out years later, she was still taking something to make herself throw up, so she moved from anorexia to bulimia. Either way she was going to die, her heart gave out. For some reason eating disorders really hit me hard, and get under my skin and I don’t even know why, it is just such a fascinating disease.
I said to myself last night: “ED is the most blatant case of warfare I have ever seen!” Then something inside of me said: “No, your case of warfare is the most blatant case I have ever seen!”. I wasn’t insulting myself, I said it as a joke, to remind myself of that I have deep issues. Every time I uncover them, evil sits at the helm, and I am stunned how much I have been played by the enemies lies day in and day out for years. I thought I was doing right and it turns out, I was not. I was hoarding my pain deep inside, not wanting God to touch any of it, for fear he will ruin me. My faith has always been seen as entrapment. Something you can’t leave, or you will end up like Jonah, so you have to stay.
It doesn’t help that the church I go to beats it into you the guilt and that you had better get right with God, and obey him. Sounds more like slavery to me. It was never meant to be that though, and I finally understand it.
People like Carolyn help open our eyes to what God can do if we let him.Visit: Beauty Beyond Bones