This past week was very hard on me, several defeats and stressful. One day God brought Ephesians 3 to my mind about being rooted and grounded in love. I was shocked, but also embarrassed. I did not know how to get into the love of God, and He knows this. I thought Him saying it this one time was enough but no. He brought it up three to four more times through various people, and at the end last night, I burst out laughing. Wow, okay. It made me realize that God pursues His own people and tries to get them to accept that they are loved.
It is a confirmation to me of this past Winter and Spring studying up on that, and yet I was never able to crack the code of how to do it. One day last week, I found this song from Laity in a “Christian Indie” folder. I love Indie music, and on a whim looked it up one day. This song called: “Let Yourself Be Loved” came up. I read the lyrics and was stunned. It was as if God was talking to me directly:
I’ve read about how you love me
Stories of scars on Your hands
I’ve sing about it every Sunday
But my feelings don’t reflect my hands
Maybe I’m too scared to open up
Cause I’ve tasted and seen and still run
So when you throw your arms around me
It’s hard to accept your love
You don’t know my heartbeat
If you think that I’ll forget you
I’ll love you and I don’t regret these nails
I chose to save you
I am not your failures
I’m Your love, I am Your Savior
It’s not based on your behavior
I will be with you forever
Don’t get lost in your head
Don’t be anxious
Don’t be frightened
I’m your rock
I’m your salvation
And you’re my beating heart
Let Yourself Be loved, Laity
So, I am trying to receive from God, because I sense that is what He is telling me to do. Today, I told him that I was going to listen to this song, and what can he show me or bring to my attention? I heard a few lyrics, and I suddenly saw myself being raised to where He was. The implication kept coming up to ascend on high so to speak. When we want to get close to God, set yourself to where He is. He is found in calm and peace. Visuals can help too.
Like I said for weeks, he kept pointing out His love for me and I found this phrase by Joseph Prince, and made a Pin for it:
As I try and to picture this, I have a vague memory as a child being carried by someone, and have the sensations of that, bring that to mind if you have the same experience.
I have felt loved to an extent through the healing process, especially at church. The Youth Pastor stood up being led by the spirit last Wednesday, and grabbed the microphone and started talking about miracles. He asked if some of us was still waiting on a miracle? That God wants you to have that breakthrough.
So even though I did not want to, He asked us to step forward now. I was in tears at this point. He wanted to pray over each of us. I made myself go just in case this was what God wanted me to do since he said healing can come at this church. So I stood in the middle of the floor, people were all around me, our hands were raised to God, and one by one as the music played. The song: “Waymaker” played and it fit so perfectly.
After a few minutes, he came over and put his hand on my head and prayed. Suddenly, this woman came up that sits in front of me, a very nice woman, and feels moved to help. She begins praying in tongues and puts her hand on my stomach. I have many problems in my stomach to say the least, so that was interesting.
I still do not know what occurred or what was healed, I know I feel better in some ways physically. Some of the same issues are there, but my headaches are better, and I feel overall good. If I did not have so many issues, I would be able to understand more, but I accept the healing and really said it that night. Every day, I make myself accept it, and I feel a little better each day, more and more. Years of health problems take time it seems.
The message God has been giving me has been strong lately-RECEIVE as much as you can. Accept the love I have for you, and believe it. The Word says to keep ourselves in the love of God(Jude 1), and there is a reason for that, we will have a very hard time in our journey if we think God does not love us. The faith will seem like torture at times, and the warfare will seem bigger if we don’t accept and receive.