Hold On, Be Still, Know that He is God

My Aunt Sandy with blonde hair, and her daughter Samantha.

This past weekend on September 11, my Aunt died of Covid. The day was bad enough as it is, but I woke up to the news. She had been fighting in a hospital for two months. For those who wonder why, she worked in a Doctor’s office, and contracted it there is my guess. She was also a heavy smoker for forty years. She did not go on a Ventilator until the last four days. Before that, her oxygen kept dropping.

I know I speak on this blog about God answering prayer, and taking authority and I did do those things. The last time I was in church, during my time of praying, I felt God showed me an image of a muddy oppression over her. He told me to bind the evil, and command it to leave. I did. He told me to pray Acts 10:38 over her, I did. I also spoke life over her. I kept saying that she would recover and walk out of there. I had tons of faith, and fully believed she would make it. The problem is, other people around her. I do not know what was said, whether or not it was her will to live, or other factors. I do know I learned this year that all sickness, illness, disease is from Satan. I did my very best to get it off of her, and I am left struggling with why one person’s prayers were not enough, when a lot of faith was given.

When I found a photo of her, the one I posted above, her shirt said: “Faith can move mountains”. That is not lost on me, even after what just occurred.

A few days before her death, an image came to me when I was praying. I was on a dock and something grabbed my legs and tried to pull me under into the water. The message was very strong that God was telling me to watch out for the enemy to attack me and keep me defeated. It worked partially. The day she died, I was wondering deeply about another area of my life, and starting to have doubts about it, and started to doubt everything. Looking back now, I am not sure anyone can prepare for this. It takes so much strength sometimes to battle the enemy and that is the point, we don’t do it, but God does.

I prayed in tongues a lot that day. It is supposed to do miraculous things, break bonds, protect others, and is the perfect prayer to God.

I don’t want people to be discouraged, or fall into lies that God does these things anymore, because I have said in previous posts, God does not inflict pain to teach lessons, that is OT. I have said it until I am blue in the face.

I do feel like I have been punched in the gut though. Navigating through this is hard for me. Seeing my relatives in pain is excruciating. They live in Florida mostly and then I live with my Mother, that was her Sister, so it was very hard for her, and is. We lost my Father two years ago to a sudden death, and two years before that, my Brother In Law died of a bleeding pancreas at age 40, leaving five kids behind. We have had more than our fair share of hard times and grief. You think it would get easier, but it is not true entirely.

I was okay the first part of the day, then that night I could not stop crying. I made myself put on a song that just came out a few weeks ago by Jordan Smith. I always liked his song: Only Love. So for some reason last week, before this happened, I got bored, and looked at his channel on YouTube, to find out that he sung Christian songs also. He just released one called: Be Still and Know. I heard this song on repeat through many tears seven or eight times Saturday night just trying to get through the worst moments of my life.

Finding things to lift your spirits is crucial during hard times. For me, it is music. You can listen to this song below:

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